The Nickname

I think giving a person an nickname is an art form…especially if it is an amazing name that sticks around forever.

I have the best conversations with my friend. Literally, all we do is laugh our asses off. We seem to have come up with code names for the men that have passed through our lives and we both know exactly who one another is talking about. Half the time we don’t even know their respected names.

Conversation:
Friend: Did you break up with Pocket Chocolates?
Me: Yes, nice man just not MY nice man.

OLD BALLS aka SMALL HANDS
My first of many old mother fuckers and this man had the tiniest hands on the planet…creepy to have him touch me….ahh…

OHH THE ENGINEER
Ohh (cringe) the man that threw my friend against her car to kiss her and left her raw faced.

CELL PHONE GUY
I literally went on a date with a man that attempted to sell me a cellular device the entire time…wtf!

NO (ah) ERECTION
This man was named Noah and poor Noah had erectile dysfunction and made my poor friend feel like it was her fault that his member didn’t work… Limp noodle status. WHY!!!

SUPER CUTE NEIGHBOR FRIEND aka SCNF
I loved him…he became a unicorn while he lived downstairs from me…

BAD SEX STEVE
Oh, yes….lack of performance and you become Bad Sex Steve.

PETER PAN
Refusal to grow up (another old as shit man)…living the dream (barf).

THE FIREMAN
He as well became a unicorn after a couple months…then he got married…MARRIED

ONE EYED JOHN
Explanation not needed

NO TEETH JOHN
Apparently, don’t date men named “John”.

BRAZIL
We talked for a moment, he once studied in Brazil, that was the only cool thing about him.

VIRGINIA LAKE
I will share this story later, way to embarrassing and lengthy but oh man, he was sexy!!!

POCKET CHOCOLATES
Very nice man, that picked me up by pulling out truffles from his sport coat pocket…

6’10
Euro basketball player…great guy…massive!!!

ROB FROM SPARKS
Divorcee with kids, who pursued my friend and then decided he was too cool…and he was from an area we don’t travel to…and he really wasn’t divorced.

THE BEARDED FIREMAN
A funny man with the longest beard in the world….he is, “To Be Determined”, seeing how my friend is going over to do arts and crafts tonight.

I’m sure I will do a part two for this post…but I don’t have all day.

I can only wonder what these men have nicknamed me…
THAT ONE CHICK
CURSES LIKE MAN
ANNOYING NEIGHBOR GIRL
PINK AFRO
NO POCKET CHOCOLATES
VIRGINIA LAKE CRAZY
GIRL WITH CRAZY HAIR

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