So I Met A Unicorn

Literally, I met a real unicorn. I’m shocked. Usually, I’m unicorned but I haven’t actually met a man that is an admitting unicorn. Are you following me?

Unicorn: A man that is in your life and then suddenly disappears from existence. You also start to think everything you experienced with him was imaginary and you were playing mind games with yourself. They usually treat you well, make you fall head over heels and say all the correct things before radio silence. No explanation just a dead line and a girl in shambles.
Note: These Unicorns are always drop dead sexy and are disguised as nice and true gentlemen.

Anyways, as I was saying, I met one…one that admits that he is a unicorn (however he referred to it as, “bad dater”, either way).

I was sitting there trying to enjoy my nice glass of wine while listening to him ramble on and on about his dating life. That woman always think they are boyfriend/girlfriend if they are exclusively having sexual intercourse and going out for drinks (he pays). Wait…what? You’re literally giving us no reason to think otherwise. But then I asked well for how long did that “non-relationship relationship” last (thinking it was a couple weeks, giving him the benefit of the doubt)…to my actual surprise he told me, 8 months. 8 mother fucking months, EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS, that’s almost a baby…and men think we are insane, when they just disappear after 8 months of contact.

I literally almost spit my wine across the room, I didn’t even know what say. I wanted to yell at him for all the times I’ve been unicorned (2ish). Do we not get it?! Do they not get it?! He also proceeded to inform me that someone informed him why said “8 Monther” hated him… and that is the only reason why he semi understood what he did may have been rude!!! wtf.

I didn’t know if I was enlightened, pissed or just highly confused. We have all these technic logical advances but men and women can’t figure out how to date.

Attention All UNICORNS: We aren’t fucking mind readers, I don’t know what you want from me, and if you decide to vanish into thin air, give me a heads up that I suck…so I can save myself the next few weeks depicting apart my entire life.

PS. Eat One


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