The Insomniac

I love sleep, but apparently sleep doesn’t love me.

Hello, I’m Marie…I’ve struggled with this for a long time. I have 3 month spans of complete and utter bliss of non interrupted sleep. Then all the sudden I have 3 months of utter hell.

I’m an insomniac. Please Help.

I can’t pin point the exact moment that my sleep decided to take a drastic turn. I can’t even give you great justification as to why my mind races and I think crazy things at such odd hours. One would think after years of this insane sleep pattern I would figure it out. I haven’t. It sucks.

I’m not one to pump my body full of all those sleep aids (my luck I would end up being the bad statistic and drive my car into a lake) or put myself in an alcoholic induced sleep (which prior to sleep, I would most likely make an ass out of myself). So I wear it…I go along for the crazy ride.

Tonight, is no different than the past few months. I do my nightly routine, my eyes slowly start to flutter as I finish a chapter of the current book I’m reading and I pick myself up off my cozy couch and crawl into bed. Now, normally one would fall asleep in a few minutes, especially since eyes have already been fluttering and the sandman had been whispering…but, not for me.

I’m laying in bed, half dead and my mind starts moving rapidly fast. I listen to the street and I curse the speeders flying past my house, I don’t see them seeing as my blinds are closed but I can hear the engines of their cars, the bass in the music and the gust of air swooshing by.

I often wonder where they are going so late at night, and why such the rush when the street is visibility asleep…well except for me.

I lay in bed, adjusting my position, removing pillows and blankets then adding them back again, just to get up to pee/check the locks and the I start over again….the never ending process of head spinning and bed adjusting.

After an hour or so, I lurch up, like a zombie whose been awoken from eternal rest. I stumble to my kitchen, open all my cabinets and begin. Begin what?! Good question. I begin to bake.

Something so soothing about the cold kitchen floor and the humming of my mixer. Within minutes, my body is relaxed and my crazed thoughts have simmered into delightful dreams.

I never know what I’m going to bake, or whom I’m going to give my treats to. It doesn’t matter really, I bake what I have in stock and gift to whomever is in need. For some reason, I don’t eat my treats. Maybe, it would take away the calmness it gives me…or maybe it’s a crock of shit and it’s 2am and I’m delirious.

It’s 3am now, the birds are swirling on the lake across the way. I can hear them chatting while their wings glide across the water. My house smells like fresh lemons and the cold wood floors have warmed up from the heat of my stove. By now, I should be asleep, exhausted from yet another night of insomnia but, I’m still awake. My thoughts have tranced into memories.

As I tip toe back to my bed, I giggle, wondering why every sleepless night…. I’m as quiet as a mouse when my home is empty of other life. I’ll watch the sun rise over the small lake, my eyes will grow heavy and I will finally be ready to sleep.

3 hours has been the maximum this month. Maybe tomorrow…hopefully tomorrow, I will be in a beautiful uninterrupted slumber.

Hello, I’m Marie….when I can’t sleep I bake, when baking fails apparently I blog.

I’m an insomniac and my best thoughts are when the world sleeps and I watch

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