The “Online” Dater

Caution: DO NOT DATE A MAN THAT IS AN ONLINE DATER (everyone dabbles but serial online dating).

Let’s be real, dating in the 2010s is a miserable thing. How do single people meet other single people without meeting them on some lame dating website that tells us nothing and everything about them. Where people put up all sorts of photos from the late 90s and try to pass them off as modern day (granted some styles are back but camera filters and a photo of a photo, please).

In all honestly, we’ve all joined Tinder, we’ve swiped left and right and we’ve chatted. Then some of us realized that this is truly lame and these men only want my panties on the floor for one night not a relationship. Sure, it’s fun to chat with a strange man that looks yummy in his profile and his tag line says something about finding his Tinderella (you giggle thinking you can be his Tinderella). Wait, why the fuck would I want to be someone’s online princess when I don’t want to be a princess at all.

The struggle is real, I feel like I’m in this deep depth of insane reality when all I’m trying to do is meet my equal, my human that gets my sarcastic manor, who takes no prisoners on game night (not even his granny) and someone that bitches about rubbing my back when I bitch he needs too. Really, this shouldn’t be such a daunting task.

Anyways, with my personal experience and that of my friends I’ve come to the conclusion that there is such thing as serial online daters and with deep research (that being enough experience) I’ve come to realize these men flat out suck. Really, they suck the life right out of you, they suck the air your breathe and they suck any normal thoughts you have. I say this because, an online dater is always looking for the next high, the next best thing. They will eat you up and spit you out. They convince you of this Lala land of newfound love and then wham, you wake up and the lies fall apart, your friend has seen him on her dating app when he told you otherwise. You simply can’t trust them, you’ll be constantly wondering if he’s swiping right while he cuddling you in the couch.

I’ve heard horror stories of men who’ve been in long relationships still currently online dating. What’s the point, you have a lady. How do I know the bullshit from the non bullshit. I’m going to stalk the fuck out of you online before I get too serious because you can only hide so damn much. It’s just completely insane.

They use and abuse women, and those that don’t are either:
A) Fake
B) Don’t look like their photographs
C) Are salesmen and just want your business (truth)
D) Have really good imagination and create those elaborate stories
E) Are Chameleons and change to suit you
F) Fuckers

At this point, they are all fuckers. My lady friends and I are all strong ass, mother fucking, bad ass women, and for some reason some of these men have slipped through our cracks and have attempted to wreck our worlds (mother fucker you can’t have my world).

I would think twice before dating a man that has been on every dating website. Or date a man that has been on every dating website with different names, or has only photos of his kids, or has the lamest tag line, or starts off by calling you baby, or doesn’t ever want to meet you in public, or only whispers when he calls you and hangs up to never call back, or you’ve caught in lies, or just gives you the bad vibes, or has no teeth, or an eye for that matter, or a manipulating dickbag, or someone who makes you feel like you’re the sole reason that you two can’t make it work, or just any man nowadays… Rant over

But really, serial online daters are real, be careful ladies…they are always the handsome ones with good jobs and great smiles that I will punch one day.

I’m also sure there are women that are the same too…and I bet they act the same as men.

fuck you online dating for ruining dating for the people that actually want to meet a good human, and meeting them in a normal way. I spend every Sunday at the finest supermarket in town looking for my person but they are all too busy swiping left or right (okay that’s a lie, I always shop at the good supermarket and I only glance for hotties).


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