The Long Underwear

Sorry I’ve been missing from the blog seen…life gets off track and the next thing you know, you haven’t blogged for a month, you’re somehow tied down and you’re wearing thermal pants and shirt in the middle of a heat storm in May.

Back track some, I don’t know how all this insane shit always happens to me but it always happens to me.

It’s May, and hot…I somehow end up dating someone (don’t you dare ask and don’t you dare judge). I am a very free human, and by that I mean I’m naked as much as a fucking can be and I just let it all breathe. Anyways, I don’t want to be naked or seen naked with my new dude, one would call it shy I would call it putting on my own chastity belt.

We have a night of insane drinking, I laugh and enjoy my time. He’s a rad human and when it time for bed, I freak. I had no plans for this human to see my lady bits (or tits for that matter). He hops into my bed and I just stare at him like a deer in headlights…my mind is racing…

What do I wear to bed?
What wouldn’t turn him on?
I always sleep with panties and a tee and now I can’t…wtf…
Why me?!

It dawned on me as he’s fluffing my fucking pillows, I have the perfect outfit…I basically run to my hall closet and pull out my winter basket and throw on my pink long johns…mind you, my old home has only tiny swamp coolers that barely cool a room and for some reason my town is going through some global warming…it was going to be the longest night of my life.

The look on this mans face was priceless…I wish I had a photograph of his expression as I crawled my happy ass into bed…he didn’t even question my attire verbally but I knew what he was thinking.

Needless to say it was the longest and hottest night of my existence…I shit you not, I only slept for maybe an hour and I lost have my body weight due to me sweating in places I didn’t even know had sweat glands. I finally toss and turn so damn much that he wakes and I’m sure my matted sweat hair and sweaty thermals was a sight to see…not even taking away from my normally swollen face.

Can you fucking believe it that this guy actually wanted to date me after that!

(HOLY HELL (nothing to due with this blog): I live on a busy street that people tend to run on…every morning I sit with my coffee and this guy walks slowly until he comes into my line of sight and then runs as fast as he can and takes off his shirt until he can no longer see me…he then abruptly stops and throws his shirt on and sits…he’s being doing this everyday…he should just come and talk to me….that just happened, again).

Proceeding on…I’m still continuing to wear my new form of chastity belt…I’m also continuing to sweat balls at night time…nothing worse than waking up with swamp ass.

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By the end of summertime I better be super model skinny for all the night sweating I’m doing.

I didn’t know it would be so difficult to not get laid…usually I’m trying to just get laid.

Oh, I’m back to blog world…I miss sharing the insanity that is my life.

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